Lost in a daydream.

I spend a lot of my time thinking about negative and unimportant things.

I have this intrinsic masochistic streak. Like I like to make myself feel miserable. Idk why. & I cannot stop.

When can I fuck care other people's opinions and be who I really am and do what I really want?

But being who I really am is not something I would want now because I keep seeing the ugly side of myself.

I feel so evil, petty, rude, malicious and everything bad all at once.

Is it even possible for me to banish all the ugly thoughts that flash up in my mind? I think no.

Sometimes I will realise that I should feel ashamed of myself. For those ugly thoughts and actions that resulted from my impulsiveness. I hate how I shoot my honest (& haste) opinions without thinking through. So obnoxious I don't even know how to love myself.